13 Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy

13 Things No One Tells You About PregnancyYou know of morning sickness and weight gain when it comes to pregnancy. But few people spill the ugly details of those nine months of growing a baby. Here is a little list of weird/uncomfortable/embarrassing things about pregnancy either I or my girlfriends have experienced. So here you go, 13 things no one tells you about pregnancy:

1. It hurts.
Pre-pregnancy, your uterus is about three inches long, two inches wide and one inch thick. During pregnancy, it stretches to accommodate a baby the size of a watermelon. That stretching is uncomfortable. It itches. It straight up hurts.

2. There’s swelling in some weird places.
We all know your hands and feet can swell when growing that baby. But your crotch area can swell too. Here is a recent text stream between me and one of my preggie friends:
“Did your hoo-ha get swollen when preggo?”
“Totally! Didn’t Jenny McCarthy call it the blue taco or something?”
“Whew! I was attempting to groom and pulled out the mirror for assistance only to be horrified. I could feel the swelling but the veiny, blueness really disturbed me.”
And there you go.

3. You get Swamp Crotch.
Speaking of the crotch, it can stink during pregnancy. And get incredibly sweaty. It has something to do with hormones. It always has something to do with hormones.

4. Discharge is a daily annoyance.
Another tidbit about the pregnant hoo-ha: there’s a lot of discharge going on for nine months. A lot.

5. Veins are a nemesis.
I was spared the evil varicose veins (I here those things are incredibly painful), but I was struck by spider veins – not only on my legs but also on my belly. ??? I’m still trying to figure that out.

6. Emotional break downs are par for the course.
I wasn’t an emotional basket case for nine months; I did, however, have the most ridiculously emotional weekend. My husband got an extra ticket to a football game & I was excluded, and this tipped off a weekend of constant crying over the smallest of hiccups – like not getting a ticket to a football game. I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t explain it. I could just cry over it.

7. Feelings of annoyance are amplified.
If your husband leaves his dirty dishes in the sink instead of loading them in the dishwasher, you may be a little irked pre-pregnancy. When pregnant? You will want to throw those dirty dishes across the room. Then stomp across the room and slam the door shut. Then curse his stupid ways. And feel completely justified in doing so.

8. Hungry takes on an entirely new meaning.
When you’re not pregnant, you might feel hungry and think, “I may need to get a munchie in the next half hour or so.” When you’re pregnant, a hunger pang institutes a feeling more like “Get me food right now or I will eat your arm.” Or something like that.

9. All systems will take a beating.
Constipation is constantly an issue. I didn’t poop for two weeks in my first trimester – it was so uncomfortable, I’d wake up in the middle of the night from the sharp pains. And get used to breathing through only your mouth – having a constantly congested nose, or “pregnancy gunk” as my sister and I call it, is par for the pregnancy course. Been spared heart burn your entire life? Probably not while pregnant.

10. Your appearance will take a beating.
I knew I’d gain weight when pregnant, but I had no idea my skin would take a beating too. I looked so rough during my pregnancy that people told me “A girl steals your beauty” – before I even knew I was having a girl! I developed cystic acne on my face, my neck, my chest and my entire back. My doctor just shook her head in disbelief. My mom gasped when she saw it. My ego was busted. Have you heard of melsama, the mask of pregnancy? Chances are you will.

11. Boobs will grow – maybe unevenly.
Bigger boobs come with the preggie territory. But sometimes they don’t grow at the same rate. Mine were dubbed the “fraternal twins.” Enough said.

12. Two words: Nipple Discharge
Speaking of boobs, they can have discharge too. Yep, your nipples can ruin your expensive Vicki bras even before your milk arrives.

12. Sleeping is annoying.
Finding a comfortable sleeping position when pregnant is like playing a game of Jenga. And getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night collapses the entire tower. I used six pillows to find some sense of comfort when I slept – two under my head, one under my belly, one between my legs, and two supporting my back. Try putting that back together at 2am after a tinkle run.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, as I’m sure a lot of mommas can chime in to their own weird/uncomfortable/embarrassing pregnancy experiences. Being pregnant can feel like being an active science experiment, as the above list can attest to. But it’s worth it. Trust me.


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